Dilemma

I am a struggling student of Bachelor of Science in Information Technology in Ateneo de Davao University. This coming June, I will be in my fourth year, but… am I happy? Sorry to disappoint you but yeah, I certainly don’t like my course. Don’t worry; I am disappointed to myself either.  I don’t know but there is something that my mind searches for. At the end of the day, I still don’t know if I made the right decision.

So you may be asking, “You’re in your fourth year, why all the drama?” Yeah how many times should I repeat myself? Is “Not loving the course that I pursued” as a reason for all of this, valid enough? Then I think your follow-up question might be, “WHY DID YOU TAKE BS IT?” Well that is the question that I always ask myself every time I have a hard time dealing with all the major projects that I encountered and I will be encountering. People make stupid mistakes and I’m one of them.

To tell you honestly, I hate the people who misjudge this course as a very easy one because really, the people’s mentality would be that if you’re background is in engineering, in the medical course or in accountancy (for the latter is something that’s popularly taken in our school), you would be labelled as someone who is very intelligent, right? But when it comes to people whose background is in Computer Science or Information Technology, they are misjudged as someone who’s weird, someone who don’t socialize and that passing this course is as easy as counting 1-2-3. NOW, I TELL YOU YOU’RE WRONG. And you know, it would be hard to explain to them what we really study and how this field’s contributions ease the difficulty of living in this world because they wouldn’t even understand. Like, the only way that they could possible do, is to take the course and experience everything a student in this field might be able to study. They don’t know how difficult it is to learn a programming language. What’s hard about it is that it is something that’s hard to learn and memorize especially the fact that it’s not only one but a lot of programming languages, each with different syntax, mind you. (Syntax is rules governing which statements and combinations of statements in a programming language will be acceptable to a compiler for that language). Examples of programming languages are C, C++, Java, and those that I didn’t able to mention. (For a list, click here.) It is very COMPLEX and DYNAMIC but not everyone knows that. When learning or memorizing codes (whatever you prefer), it’s not just the same as memorizing a piece of speech, learning on how to deliver it and in case you forget what to say, thinking of an adlib. And people won’t even notice! It’s not the same as writing a piece of article which the most important thing you should have is the knowledge and reliable information about the topic and the capacity to use the right words to catch the reader’s attention and also for them to understand. When you have this, I think the only problem you got is to meet the deadlines! It’s not the same as analyzing the accounting entries and working to journalize, adjust and balance the debit from the credit, anyway there are figures given. And now, there are other convenient ways to solve a basic accounting problem and that is through Excel and accounting softwares. I know it is not only about this, there are accompanying terms and laws and all but I’m talking about the basics here. When coding, if there’s only one line that you forgot or even just a semi-colon (;), you’ll immediately encounter an ERROR and so you will not be able to compile for the program to run. It’s ok if you have a small bunch of codes to trace but this is not usually the case because there are actually many of them! It’s a dilemma when you’re given a problem and you’re just so dumb enough not to think of an algorithm to solve it. It depends on your logical skills to come up with a solution that is usually if not always done mathematically for the problem to be solved. The worst is when you have really NO IDEA of what to type on the keyboard and so you begin to ask yourself, “NGANO KO NAG-IT???” (In English, “Why did I take BS IT?”) Then, your world crashes.

I’m only emphasizing programming because that I think is the most basic and the core, there are still a lot of things to think of like Database Systems, Operating Systems, Systems Analysis & Design, Computer Networks, Project Management, Computer Architecture, Information Resource Management, THESIS as a senior project and some touches of Accounting Information Systems, still not mentioning that majority of what I’ve mentioned are still accompanied by programming plus some minor subjects to distract your attention.

We were first introduced in programming, when we were still first year students. It was in the language of C. And by that time, I said to myself that “This is not for me.” and “OMG, father’s right. It’s really difficult.” But I continued. And here I am now, in my last year… but the satisfaction is still in 0%. I didn’t shift to another course because I thought that if I did, I will be delayed and it’s also the pride of being the one who made the decision and in the end, not sticking to it. So I have the urge to graduate in this course no matter what. I just didn’t think it will be this hard. I mean, there is really no simple in this world but you know the feeling of working in something that you really don’t like to do. It’s hard. I’m just so sorry for my father who spent and will be spending for my tuition for a course that I don’t want but I can’t blame anyone because it was me who chose it. Oopsy.

It makes me think of my teacher when I took Psychology class just this year’s summer. She shared a bit of her life telling us when she took AB English in Siliman University. And in her fourth year, she managed to have fun with her friends (e.g. drinking), in a way that she neglected her responsibilities in school and was not able to continue her thesis. When her parents knew about it, they instructed her to go home. The ending is, she took the course she really loved and that is BS in Psychology. Now she is a Psychology teacher (for the mean time) and is currently taking Masters in Ateneo de Davao University. Well I am just inspired of her courage to do those things but how I wish I could be her, just the part that she now loves what she studies.

What I am worrying now is if I can graduate on time. One thing that I want to happen is to enjoy my last year in school, make the most out of things, but how can I possibly do that if there is THESIS that we should work on during the first semester. What I am scared about is if our group will be able to pass the defense this coming September. If we will not pass it, *croo croo croo*

If you’re planning to take BS IT or Computer Science, don’t be discouraged. It is because my intellectual ability is not the same as yours. You may find analyzing and solving a programming problem as a fun thing to do, or yet even make coding as a hobby. It really depends on the person. The purpose of this article is just to convert all of my thoughts into words, that’s just it. I surely can’t go back to the past and change the future.

Well, I wonder if I haven’t chosen this path, then maybe I would not have found the people I have met along the way. I don’t have to enumerate them all, but they surely are wonderful creatures. And I owe them for they also influenced me to become what I am now. But if these are the people that God wants me to have friends with, even if I have taken the other path, He will surely make a way to connect the gaps, I think so. This is the reason why I don’t really consider my decision as PURELY a mistake. On the other hand, I also thought of the people that I should have met if I didn’t take the course.

My mind is so preoccupied with all these kind of things! Can I still handle it? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! If I would have to go back four years from now, I would certainly not pursue this. When I’ll be able to graduate under this course, I certainly don’t know what career I will be pursuing. Sorry but I really tend to overthink things, a lot. The future is scary but at the same time, exciting. My goal now is to graduate (hopefully this coming 2013), and then I’ll explore my luck.

P.S.: On the positive side, I also learned and realized so many things. I would be so hypocrite if I’ll tell you I didn’t. Learning IT is very challenging and interesting, it’s just that it really is broad. I love studying it; it’s just that I don’t have the passion to code. : )

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I created this on the 29th of May, 2010; from raw to the not-so-raw. :))

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